


im so ready for christmas

by cxlesstial



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comedy, Crack, Dialogue Heavy, Donatello and Leonardo (TMNT) are Twins, Dysfunctional Family, Family Bonding, Family Fluff, Fluff, Funny, Gen, Good Parent Splinter (TMNT), Halloween, LGBTQ Themes, No Angst, One Shot, Post-Season/Series 01 Finale, Protective Siblings, Team as Family, at least leo thinks so donnie's not so sure, halloween fic, i love halloween, ill update the tags eventually, mazes, plus ape she's the big sis here, pumpkin patches, stupid dumb kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27591641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cxlesstial/pseuds/cxlesstial
Summary: “We’re supposed to be the ever famous Teenage Mutant Turtle Teens,” Leo complains loudly from the back. “Can we not depend on a middle aged man to fight our battles for us?”“Raph, please throw Leo in the front so he gets killed first,” Donnie pleads.AKA boys splinter drax & apes go to a family farm in the hidden city to get out of the house :)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 56





	im so ready for christmas

**Author's Note:**

> m so sleep deprived enjoy
> 
> SORRY THIS IS SO LATE i had such a hectic halloween and then school got even worse

“‘Angelo, get out,” Donnie says without even looking up from his tinkering as he recognizes Mikey’s light, airy footsteps in the wake of his lab. “Seriously, I’m -

“No, _seriously_ , you’ve been stuck in here for hours upon _hours_ without bothering to come out and check up on your poor, _neglected_ family? How could you?” Mikey enters despite Donnie’s half-hearted attempt to keep him out, crossing the room and perching his chin on his older brother’s shoulder. Ignoring Donnie’s audible sigh and (somehow) audible eye roll, Mikey continues, feeling the grin perk up on his face. “What if we did something? Y’know, together?”

“Mmm, I’m listening,” Donnie murmurs, though believe it or not he was more focused on the new batch of scraps he’d pulled from the surface earlier. Mikey sighs, loudly, which gets Donnie’s attention to (finally!) leave the mess on the table and onto the younger intruder. “What? I said I was listening!” 

“Mmm. Kay, anyway. There’s a farm in the hidden city. S’ run by this older yokai couple, n’ they have a pumpkin patch and a -

“No.”

“...What?” 

“No. I’m busy. Go bother Leo and Raph about it. I’m not going,” Donnie says flatly, returning his gaze back to the scraps, slightly perturbed by Mikey’s widening grin. At the silence from his youngest Donnie groans. “Oh, no, Mikey, come on, I’m _really_ busy - 

“Leo! Raph! ‘Tello said yes!” Mikey springs away from Donnie as Leo and Raph both try to rush in, but both of them try to squeeze through the door at the exact same time and Donnie -

Donnie’s already tired of this. Lord, give him strength.

 _"Mikey_ ,” Donnie starts, exhaustion already beginning to coat his voice, but Leo manages to wriggle past Raph and heads towards his other siblings, arms spread and eyes blown wide in mirth.

“Greetings, _hermanos_ ,” he yells, voice bouncing off the walls of the lab, and Donnie makes a mental note to delete Leo’s Duolingo account before his brother figured out how to torture them with more badly-spoken Spanish. “Great job, Mike! You softened him up for us and - 

“ _And_ I’m not going,” Donnie repeats, even flatter than before. 

“Ehhh, see, that’s where you’re wrong. We already family voted, _muchacho_ ,” Leo raises his eye-ridges, almost daring Donnie to interrupt. “See, you’ve been all cooped up in here, so we’re going to do a little family bonding trip. Us, Splinter, Draxum, April. Our treat. For you.”

“I hate family bonding trips,” the lie slips from his lips before he can help himself.

“See, look! He’s weakening already!” Mikey jumps around excitedly. “Soon he’s gonna say that he’s -

“- tired and very busy? Yes, Mikey, I am,” Donnie turns away from his infuriating family to look back down at a far more pleasant sight - his scraps that did _not_ talk back or annoy him half-to-death. “So, if you’ll excuse me…”

“He’s putting up a fight today, eh, Mikey?” Leo stage-whispers as Raph finally manages to get through the door, his spikes dragging loudly against the hinges. Donnie winces, realizes that he _probably_ should make that door bigger so Raph could get in, but remembers that he’ll probably forget and _this_ is why Raph always enters the lab through the _garage_. Raph, huffing tiredly, finally makes his way over to the three of them.

“Can you all go away.” Donnie deadpans, turning around again and glaring at his assembled siblings. When they don’t move Donnie sighs. “Why do you want me to go so _badly_ -

“Listen it’ll be _so_ much fun and I know it sounds like it’s for little kids but I really really _really_ want you to be there please please _pleaseeee_ ,” Mikey begs really quickly, clasping his hands together in a pleading gesture and pressing them against his lips, and - oh, of _course_ he’s bringing out the puppy dog eyes. Donnie pinches the bridge of his nose, finally giving in. 

“Fine. But, if I go, you guys _have_ to leave me alone for the rest of the weekend. I have _so_ much work to get done,” he gestures weakly at the mess on his desk, sighing as he physically _feels_ the motivation he previously had drop into the gaping pit in his stomach. Maybe he _did_ need a break. 

“Yeah, of course, Dee! Omigosh, I’m gonna go get ready! We’re leaving in twenty minutes, bee-tee-double-you,” Mikey grins, running past his older brothers and out the door without waiting for another word from any of them.

“Bee-tee-double-you?” Raph repeats, confused.

“Stands for ‘by the way’,” Donnie explains impatiently, and elaborates as Raph raises an eyebrow further, obviously not understanding. “You know? Raph, internet slang?”

“ _Ohhhh_ ,” Raph says intelligently. Donnie and Leo both facepalm simultaneously. 

-

“Remind me on why I decided to come,” Donnie says for the umpteenth time as they get out of the Turtle-Tank, scanning the crowded parking lot. Yokai families of all different kinds surely did decide that late Saturday afternoon would be the perfect time to go to this farm, and the place was _packed_. Donnie’s worst nightmare, but whatever. 

“I have no idea, but I hate this place already. If any of you need me, I will be sleeping in the tank.” Draxum says, voice as dead and uninterested as always, trying to turn and go back inside. Mikey and April grab his arms immediately.

“Don’t you _dare_! This is our night, don’t you want to enjoy the Halloween festivit - _Barry_ ,” April snaps as Draxum attempts to use his plants to slither out of their grip. “If Donnie can’t get out of this you better _believe_ you won’t.”

“Why did I ever ally myself with this wretched family,” Draxum states bluntly as Mikey deems April more than capable to handle the sheep yokai and scrambles over to ride Raph’s shell. Shaking his head, suddenly amused, Donnie clicks a button on his wrist-mechanic and the tank closes and locks itself automatically. Raph leads the way across the parking lot, the five that _weren’t_ attached to his spiky shell trailing behind.

Once they’ve made it out of the parking lot, Donnie tries (and fails, miserably) to hide his annoyed scoff at how long the line was to get in. Luckily it looked like it was moving quickly. His family takes a place near the back, scanning the farmer’s market that was, surprise surprise, also packed. Yokai were poking through the different pumpkins and the jars of different goods, bringing them to the tiny group of cashiers. “We’re getting a _big_ pumpkin right? Later?” Mikey glances towards Draxum and Splinter with wide eyes, and Splinter considers it thoughtfully. 

“Sure, Orange. But you’re carrying it back to the tank,” Splinter tells him. “I’m not ruining my perfect body,” he continues with a smirk, running his hand over his potbelly. Donnie and Leo look at each other and then anywhere else, struggling and just barely able to hide their collective laughter.

“No, _Raph’s_ gonna carry it. Forcing him to.” Mikey shimmies up so he’s now on his oldest brother’s massive shoulder. Raph sighs, either from the comment or just because his brother wouldn’t stay _still_ , reaching up to steady him so he didn’t end up hurting himself. 

They get to the front of the line maybe three minutes later, Splinter exchanging his money for stamps on their wrists (and wristbands for both him and Draxum). They finally entered the farm, standing over by the porta-potties so they could stay out of people’s way. “I’m thirsty,” Leo says immediately. “Water.”

“Who else wants water?” Raph asks, looking ‘round at the lot of them with a frown. April, Mikey, and Donnie raised their hands, the latter looking apprehensive of waiting in more lines. “Fine, uh...I don’t actually know where the booths are - 

“Over there,” Mikey points to their right, where above the sea of flustered yokai were food booths organized in a loose semicircle, plastered right in front of a cluster of packed ramadas. “There’s a line, though - 

“Leo’s got this, don’t-cha Leo? Yeah?” April smirks mischievously as Leo suddenly looked like he regretted asking. “Thanks, hun.” 

“You all suck,” Leo grumbles dejectedly, but takes the money from Splinter’s outstretched palm anyway. “Can someone come wait in line with me... _pleaseeee_ ,” he pouts, scanning his family's faces before finally settling on Donnie, who was slowly starting to slide behind Draxum to play on his phone. “Ayo, Dee! Come on twinnie, let’s goooo -

“Um, no, Leo, actually we’re not twins I’m literally older than you we’ve been over this also let _go of me_ -” Donnie stammers even as Leo grabs his wrist and pulls him into the crowd. He could hear snickering behind him and tilted his head to face his family as he was being dragged along, shooting them all the middle finger. 

The outraged shouts are lost in the crowd as Leo pulls him past pens of regular barn animals, like goats and cows, and a train filled with kids that was being driven by a disgruntled looking deer-yokai. 

Finally they make it to the line and Leo releases Donnie’s wrist, taking his place at the back. Donnie tiredly stands next to him, rubbing his arms subconsciously. “You good?” Leo asks when his brother doesn’t immediately make a smart-ass quip about being dragged through a sea of people, sighing dramatically when all Donnie does is nod distractedly. “No, Dee, seriously. You’ve been acting weird, what’s up? Don’t you dare say ‘nothing’, I _will_ drop kick you,” Leo warns, and Donnie feels the hint of a smile appear on his face. 

“Nothing,” Donnie responds, just to piss him off. When Leo actually raises his leg threateningly Donnie continues hastily, tilting his head away so he doesn't have to look at him. “Just...the amount of yokai? Makes me a bit...nervous.” he confesses quietly. Leo can barely hear him over the noise of the crowd so he raises his voice just a bit. “Felt kinda boxed in, y’know?” 

“M’sorry,” Leo apologizes, suddenly looking embarrassed. But, for the record, he looked genuinely apologetic - something that was rare on his brother’s face. “Didn’t know you still had that phobia - 

“S’not a phobia!” Donnie protests, face flushing as he remembers how much he used to absolutely _loathe_ small spaces. But he wasn’t scared of them, he doesn’t think? “Just - warn me, next time? Freaked me out.” 

“‘Course,” Leo promises, and Donnie feels a bit of that tension leave his body. “We _are_ twins, though. Pops said.”

“Oh my god, _‘Nardo_ ,” apparently the moment was over. Donnie rolls his eyes, hard. “How many fucking times have we had this damn conversation?”

“Not enough, ‘pparently,” Leo replies flippantly. “And we will continue to have it until you admit that we’re the same exact age _and_ I’m the better looking twin.”

“I can admit that you’re extremely conceited and arrogant,” Donnie shoots back, lathering on the tease so Leo didn’t take offense to the comment. They bicker back and forth until they get to the front of the line, and Donnie pushes Leo smoothly out of the way before Leo could get a word in to the cashier. “Hello, I’ll take three waters,” Donnie says, dodging Leo’s vicious shin attack expertly. “Sorry, forgot about my brother. Make that four.”

“You got it,” the worker smiles at their antics before retrieving their requests. Donnie slides the money to them when they return and grabs the cold plastic, rounding the corner of the booth while Leo gulps down his water so quickly you’d think he was lost in the desert. Donnie stands on his toes, scanning the crowd for the rest of their family, rocking on the balls of his feet and waving when he spots Raph towering over half the other yokai. Raph catches his eye and shepherds the rest over to the twins.

Donnie throws bottles to both Mikey and April before finally returning his gaze to his own. Sipping from it quietly, he ignores the obnoxious crunching of Leo’s bottle as his brother finishes his drink. “How long’d you have that, Leo?” Raph asks the blue-banded turtle curiously.

“‘Bout twenty-five seconds,” Leo replies cooly, crushing the bottle further with his hands. “‘Kay, _anyway_ , we’re doing the corn maze first. Don’t argue, we’re doing it. And I’m leading us all, by the way.” 

“And, _by the way_ , when we get lost, I’ll blame you,” Donnie retorts before he can help himself, taking his place besides his absolute favorite person in the entire world. “Me and April will _both_ blame you, actually.” 

“Hell yeah,” April confirms, grinning at Leo. “So don’t get us lost, Leon.” 

“Pfft, I’m _Leonardo_ , Battle Nexus Champion,” Leo replies cockily, turning away from his exasperated family and marching proudly towards the corn maze. “And I’m not gonna get us lost - 

-

 _Guess_ who got them lost. 

“It’s been thirty fucking minutes,” Donnie observes detachedly as they take yet _another_ left, the thick corn stretching high above their heads and making the resident genius (slightly) claustrophobic. “It’s been thirty minutes, we’ve lost Draxum _and_ Mikey, and my feet are tired.” 

“Can you shut the fuck up,” Leo counters brilliantly, pausing his scan of the corn rows (that literally all look the same) to shoot Donnie a peeved look. “ _Maybe_ if you stopped complaining - 

“How in all of _science_ did you manage to get us _lost_ , Leon? This maze is for children!” 

April scoffs derisively from her place behind Donnie. “You both are legit _fourteen_. You _are_ children.” 

“I am _not_ a child,” Donnie sniffs haughtily, not even bothering to look at his so-called ‘best friend’. 

Unimpressed, April rises to the bait. “You are. Fourteen. If you went to my high school you’d be a freshman. That is a _child_.”

“Oh-ho-ho, look who’s talking, miss-oh-i’m-a-junior-so-that-makes-me-so-much-cooler -

“Don’t make me smack you, Donnie.” 

“We’re never going to get out of here,” Raph realizes, groaning miserably. “Kill me now.” 

“Hush, Red, this is part of the fun,” Splinter scolds. _Easy for him to say_ , Donnie thinks, glancing over his shoulder. Splinter was riding on Raph’s back. 

Raph shakes his head disbelievingly. “What, to get us lost while those three argue like children - (“We are _not_ children,” April, Leo, and Donnie snap all together) - I bet Mikey and Draxum are lost. Hurt and all alone in the corn. Look, even the sun is going down! We’ll have to call the fire station, get an ambulance -

Almost as if on cue, April and the brothers’ cell phones jingle with a notification. Donnie brings his messages open and says in a deadpan voice: “Oh, look, Draxum and Mikey made it out alive and are completely unharmed.” 

“What? Draxum made it out before me?” Splinter thunders angrily. “He must have used magic! Witchcraft! Mystic powers!” There’s a dramatic pause before Splinter gasps disbelievingly, removing a hand from Raph’s shell and placing it over his heart, mortally wounded. “Or...he _cheated_.”

“Oh my god. Gasp. No way,” Donnie replies dryly, texting back a response to Mikey as Leo makes another turn. They can hear the noise of the crowd a bit clearer now, so Donnie bites back another scathing remark about Leo’s leading-through-maze skills. “Pops, you know it’s fine to say you have a homosexual attraction to Draxum, right?”

“WhaaaaanoooIdon’tttttwhere’dyougetverystrangeveryuntrueideafrompurple,” Splinter responds way too quickly to be natural. Donnie has to hide his very unmanly _snort_ as they endure an awkward beat of silence. Eventually Splinter speaks, voice all airy and pitchy. “Is it hot in here or is it the corn?” 

“Let’s pretend it’s the corn, Splints,” April replies as they reach the way out. Fucking _finally._

Leo twirls ahead and gestures proudly at the exit. “Told you guys we weren’t lost,” he purrs smugly. Donnie resists the urge to strangle him and manages it, just barely. When he catches sight of them Mikey squeals from his place besides Draxum and sprints while the older sheep yokai takes his sweet ( _sweet_ ) time making his way over. 

Mikey’s bouncing everywhere excitedly. “Finally you guys got out! Dunno _how_ you guys got lost -

“Leo,” Donnie, April, Raph, and Splinter respond at the same time, all cold and even voices. Said boy’s mouth falls open and some weird strangled noises escape.

\- but you guys took literally ten years so it’s kinda almost sorta _definitely_ dark and look! There’s a band,” Mikey exclaims, turning and pointing across the huge, flat field that was littered with pumpkins. There, close to where they’d come in earlier, maybe a few yards from the porta-potties...was a country band. Playing music that Donnie fucking _despised._

“I am not going over there,” Donnie refuses immediately. “Country music is the work of Satan.”

“Amen,” Draxum chimes in, finally joining their little huddle. Donnie briefly wonders if this is the moment for a fist bump but resolutely decides he’s not that far gone yet.

“Aw, come on, _pleaseeee_?” Mikey begs them all collectively. “Just until the haunted house opens? _Pleaseeeeeeee -_

“Only if we can get snow cones,” Leo interrupts smoothly, glancing at their father(s). Draxum and Splinter exchange glances, then shrug.

“Fine, have fun waiting in the line,” Splinter gives Leo more money, ignoring Leo’s drawn out groan of annoyance that he’d be waiting in a line _again_. “Stop groaning in annoyance, Blue,” Splinter says reproachfully as Mikey dances around April, Raph, and Donnie, eagerly clapping along to the slow beat that they could barely hear. “Who’s going with who?” 

“I’ll go with Mikey, that band sounds fun,” Raph reaches and grabs Mikey’s shoulder, stopping his youngest brother from doing another loop around him. “Pops, Drax, you two come with. That leaves you three,” Raph points to Leo, Donnie, and April, “To get us _all_ snowcones.”

“Fine, fine, let’s go already,” Leo makes shooing motions towards his older brother, loops his arm through April’s, and makes his speedy escape back over to the booths. Sighing, Donnie follows. 

It’s certainly not _boring_ \- April’s got some fascinating updates on her crush as soon as they get in the line - so Leo and Donnie pay rapt attention as April tells them _all_ about Sunita. “She’s just so,” April gestures expansively, and Donnie and Leo nod seriously. “Like, _hhngh,_ she - listen, it’s. _Girls_ ,” she explains, and they nod again. “Females? My shit.”

“Gay?” Leo points at her, eyebrows raised suggestively. 

April grins and opens her mouth to respond as Donnie groans. “Oh no, not again, I’m literally begging you both not to do this again -

“Gay!” April replies, pointing back at him, and Leo beams.

“ _E_ _yyyyyyyy_!” they yell together, throwing their hands up and probably dragging attention to themselves, and Donnie lets a long, lung-suffering groan of resignation out, burying his head into his hands. “Oh, calm down, Mr. Bisexual,” April says mirthfully, patting Donnie’s shoulder comfortingly. “Also walk, the line’s moving again.”

“Can I stand either of you? No.” Donnie scrubs at his eyes as they walk forward, blinking rapidly at the two of them. “Can we focus on the - 

“Ooh, I can get my snow cone as a _rainbow_?” Leo asks, ignoring Donnie completely. “Hey! Do you guys support gay rights?” he shouts at the booth. 

“ - snow cones,” Donnie finishes quietly. 

-

Things back at the country band are _not_ going well. Mikey and Raph are chilling, while Splinter’s tapping his feet, but Draxum - 

“I am _so_ sorry I hurt you and your family,” Draxum’s _apologizing_ as the trio approaches. “I really really _really_ am. Just get me out of this eternal nightmare and I’ll do anything -

“What? Couldn’t hear you over how good this _music_ is!” Splinter replies, turning back towards the country band. “PLAY LOUDER, BOYS!”

“ _NO_!” Draxum roars, and Splinter dissolves into cackles as the band turns it up a notch. Donnie’s made _way_ too many sighs of annoyance for one day, so he swallows down his irrational fear of country music and goes to join them, sitting as far away from the lead guitarist as possible. “Oh look, my salvation,” Draxum says meekly as Donnie hands him a snow cone. He passes the second cone to Mikey and keeps the grape-flavored one for himself. 

“Thanks, Dee,” Mikey says and sits on the bench properly, propping his elbows on the table and attacking his orange-pineapple flavored cone ravishingly. “‘prised you’re still here, honestly. Took me forever to get Draxum not to run away, and he’s still shivering.”

“Country music is my biggest weakness,” Draxum explains, completely serious.

“What’s so bad about - _mmf_ , country music?” Raph joins the conversation around his chomping of his own (tiger-blood flavored) delicacy.

“The lyrics are always so bad,” Leo says, shaving off the top of his own (yes, it _is_ rainbow colored) cone before elaborating. “‘ _Ohhh went fishing in my pickup truck picked up a girl in a honytonk oooh bass pro shop bought myself a boat more fishing back to the bass pro shop drinking more dancing pickup truck hunting sex love alcohol ooohh -_

“Bass Pro Shop - 

“ _Leo -_

“Why is that surprisingly accurate?” Donnie manages to make himself heard over the giggles from his family at Leo’s country declaration, hiding his own guffaw.

“You spend enough time wanting to be Woody from Toy Story...things happen,” Leo replies non-committedly, flicking an ant off the table.

Donnie can’t hide his laugh this time. “ _You wanted to be Woody from Toy Story -_

“What, can a ninja not also be a cowboy?” Leo exclaims, pointing at Donnie like he committed tax evasion and had been getting away with it for years and years. “That is so _racist_ -

Donnie’s about to retort to this ridiculous accusation when Splinter speaks up. “Boys,” he says warningly, and Leo and Donnie’s squabbling comes to a halt, Leo mouthing a ‘this isn’t over’ over April’s blissfully uninvolved head. 

-

After nearly _half an hour_ of listening to Donnie and Draxum’s worst nightmare, they finally leave for their last endeavor that night. “Haunted maze here we come!” Splinter chortles after they all regroup from the bathroom and disposing of their trash, heading back in the direction that they’d gone to get to the corn maze. They get in line, which already stretched behind them by maybe thirty yokai. 

“H-Haunted maze?” Mikey repeats, suddenly sounding a lot less braver than he’d sounded twenty seconds before. “I thought it was a haunted house?” 

“Why do you think we waited until nightfall to get into the line? We’re going back into the corn maze, Orange,” Splinter says spookily, waving his arms dramatically. Mikey’s already dark green skin gets paler as he thinks about going back into the maze - at night, this time. 

“Hey, s’okay, bud,” April rubs his shell softly. “We’ll be right behind you, promise.”

“Wanna hear what I heard once?” Leo leans in closer to Mikey, speaking slower, more pronounced; “When you’re outrunning a monster, you just need to be quicker than the person you’re running with. D’you know why?”

“...why?” Mikey asks skeptically. 

“‘Cause the monster will always grab the slowest runner, of course! And when they catch the slow guy they’ll eat him. Gives the others a chance to escape.” Leo smirks. Mikey shudders, whimpering.

“What’d you do that for?” Raph folds his arms, glaring at the blue-banded slider. “Y’know, just for that, _you_ can stay in the back of the line.”

“Aw come _on_ , Raph!” Leo protests. Raph’s relentless, shaking his head so quickly it gives everyone else whiplash. “But I was gonna _lead_ ,” he whines. Donnie sniggers.

“We all saw how good that all worked out _last_ time,” Donnie disregards as the couple in front of them disappears into the maze. “Forgive me if I say fuck _no_.”

“Language,” Splinter says.

“You wanna go, Dee? I’m an expert at mazes! _I_ should be leading.”

“And I’m…” Donnie hesitates for half a second, then a small smirk plays across his lips. He’s got a _killer_ comeback. “Older than you.”

“Bitch, by like two days - 

“Language,” Splinter repeats, his tail twitching. 

\- the fuck does that have to do with anything, anyway?” Leo continues over Splinter, narrowing his eyes at his twin. 

“It has everything to do with everything, ‘Nardo,” Donnie wrings his arms out in exasperation, looking at April like ‘look how immature this little rat is’.

“I’m going to strangle you in cold -

“Hi! Seven for the haunted maze?” A jaguar yokai, maybe late teens, interrupts Leo’s stellar ( _not_ ) retort, smiling around at all of them prettily. When they nod, family feud held on pause for a quick second, she continues. “‘Kayyyy, so, you’ll be going into the corn maze, pret-ty straightforward. S’bout a mile walk, so stay on the trail. No flash photography or video recordings. And...the actors in the maze are going to get up and personal with you, but they will _not_ touch. So make sure you respect them and not touch them either, cool?” She waits until they nod again, taking the tickets from April’s outstretched hand. She rips them neatly in half then hands them back, hesitates for half a second, then writes something on April’s arm in sharpie. “Good to go! Have fun, guys,” she winks and they walk into the maze. 

“What’d she write on your arm?” Donnie whispers. April glances down at her wrist and refuses to look at him, and he can see she’s blushing furiously even in the moonlight.

“M’not a _furr_ _y_ ,” is all he catches from her.

“That’s not what your cheeks sayyyy,” he cackles, and promptly dodges the slap she aims at him. 

There’s screams up ahead, and Raph and Mikey both hurriedly push Draxum in front as they walk through the dark corn. “Protect us with your magic,” Mikey explains when Draxum shoots them a startled look. “I don’t want to get my head chopped off by a rabid maniac in a haunted maze, thank you very much.”

“We’re supposed to be the ever famous Teenage Mutant Turtle Teens,” Leo complains loudly from the back. “Can we not depend on a middle aged man to fight our battles for us?”

“Raph, _please_ throw Leo in the front so he gets killed first,” Donnie pleads. 

Another scream. Mikey shrieks and latches onto April, who gulps nervously and latches right back. They make their way through the winding and twisting maze, the corn stalks blowing back and forth in the slight breeze. Donnie thinks absently that it’s all straight out of a Stephen King book, and the thought doesn’t make him feel any better. They’ve already walked maybe a quarter of a mile, so - 

Suddenly there’s a whirring of a chainsaw, and they freeze. Splinter makes a weird noise, _Raph_ makes a weirder noise, and April exhales almost nervously as the chainsaw gets closer. “ _Walk_ ,” Donnie hisses, jabbing Mikey lightly in the shell. “S’just an actor -

Said actor appears in the trail up ahead, skin oily and hair greasy and clothes in ruins and chainsaw raised high in the ear and he’s letting out a blood-curdling scream - and Donnie sighs. “What the fuck.”

Raph shoves half of his family to the side and barrels down the trail. “I’ll protect you! Run!”

“Raph, it’s not _real_ -

Raph screams and launches himself towards the actor, and they both go down, crushing a couple dozen corn stalks as they do. 

-

“I’m still surprised we didn’t get arrested,” April whispers to Donnie, and Donnie nods languidly as they lounge by the maze’s entrance. “I mean, you’d think that Raph crushing an actor would get us at _least_ a hefty fine - 

“Hey, I’d like to thank you for helping us catch the Sundown Butcher,” says a new voice, cutting April off, and her and Donnie both glance up to see a literal police officer shaking Raph’s hand. “We’ve known that he was on the run in this direction, but hiding out in a corn maze, pretending to be a worker…”

“Aw, it’s no biggie!” Raph smiles as Donnie and April’s mouths fall open. “Honestly I had no idea he was an actual criminal until about three seconds ago, so. No harm no foul, yeah?”

“...Yeah,” Policeman says, looking vaguely concerned. He glances around at the rest of them. “This your family?” 

“Mhm.”

“Raphael here did a very brave thing,” he says, gesturing with his free hand to the turtle that had at _least_ a foot and a half on him. “You’ll be recognized back in the station for this, boy,” the officer tips his hat before carefully extracting his hand from Raph’s, turning to walk back to his unit. “God bless you.”

“Um, thanks,” Raph waves. Then he turns to the rest of them, curling his fists and beaming. “You _guys_ , I just stopped a criminal!”

“Yes, Raph, that’s what we usually do,” Leo says blandly. 

“An _actual_ criminal! Not like. Meat Sweats or anything! An _actual_ -

“Can we go home now? Before anything _else_ happens?” Donnie leans towards Splinter, thankful when Splinter does nothing but nod tiredly. “Thank the lord. I am never doing anything like _this_ ever again.”

“Oh, just wait until you see the Christmas tree farm we’re going to in December, Dee,” Mikey giggles as Leo and Raph’s conversation gets noticeably louder and they start getting concerned looks. “I can’t wait.”

“I’m not going anywhere based off a Taylor Swift Christmas song!” Donnie snaps back. 

**Author's Note:**

> MOST OF THIS IS BASED ON TRUE EVENTS LMAOO 
> 
> second finished fic for this fandom done omg yall pls write more actual content for this show its so good and underrated
> 
> if u wanna talk hmu on tumblr!! im cxlesstial :)


End file.
